Merriman's "footballhood" questioned, decides he hasn't been quite obnoxious enough

According to ProFootballTalk, Shawne Merriman claims his "footballhood" has been questioned after his year out with injury. 

Merriman goes on to claim that questioning his footballhood is worse than questioning his manhood.

And so, how does one go about reclaiming his lost man/football-hood? By dancing more.

“This year is literally going to be about unleashing,” Merriman said.  “Unleashing so much I’ve got pent up in me. . . .  It’s going to be an interesting year.  I’m bringing all the ruckus.  I’m going to do the ‘Lights Out’ dance so often people will be glad to see me go — like, ‘Get that dance out of here.’”

Yeah, the one criticism about Merriman has always been that he doesn't dance enough.

Really, really stupid article on Si.com

Far be it from me to criticize someone for doing a draft-day diary (after all, I just spent two days doing it), but this piece by Norman Chad on Sports Illustrated's website has to be one of the stupidest things I've ever read. I'll now break it down, with apologies to FJM.

Hey, I'm not proud that I predicted Jay Cutler would be a bust.

"Hey, I'm not proud of being wrong..."

I'm also not proud that I'm predicting Mark Sanchez will be a bust.

"...but that sure as fuck won't deter me from being wrong again!"

And I'm not proud that, for the 16th time in 17 years, I watched the entire first round of the NFL draft on ESPN

I'm also not proud of the fact that, in my capacity as a sportswriter, I watched a sports-related event. I was going to spend the weekend writing the great American novel or sailing on my yacht, but to satisfy you plebians I'll spend one day doing something that relates to my job.

4:13: Can you imagine ESPN covering Election Day this way? Man, I might go out AND VOTE TWICE.

I'm including this passage because I can make neither heads nor tails out of it. Major news networks cover elections exactly the same way ESPN covers the draft. ESPN probably spent less time on it, because they cut away to an NBA game in the middle of their predraft coverage (yes, I'm aware they switched to ESPN2, but stuff done on ESPN2, like stuff done in Mexico, doesn't count).

4:24: From where I'm sitting, Mark Sanchez is just a better-looking version of Jay Cutler: Strong-armed, thick-skulled, full of hooey and hubris.

Full of hooey? Hooey? What the hell century is this? Clearly, Mr. Chad has emerged from the 19th century, become quite enraged at ESPN's coverage of Marcus Sanchez, and has decided to transcribe his thoughts on his computing device.

5:01: Todd McShay? Hmm. Another draft guru. Be still my heart!

ESPN has two draft analysts? This is UNACCEPTABLE! I bet he's full of hooey! I must vent my gall, as it is quite vexing!

6:04: In his day, I've got to figure Henry David Thoreau did not follow the NFL draft.

WTF is this? Can we now say historical figures wouldn't have done some anachronistic thing? "In his day, I've got to figure George Washington didn't do a lot of windsurfing!"

It's not even phrased right, if it is indeed a joke. Of course Thoreau didn't follow the NFL draft IN HIS DAY because football hadn't yet been invented, television was the fevered dream of a madman and Thoreau was a goddamn moron.

6:42: If Sanchez is presidential, he should first run for governor of California, then make a bid for the White House.

Yes, becoming the governor of a major state and then running for the White House would be effective ways of becoming president. Certainly, though, the hooey factor could come into play.

Wow, si.com - come for the mediocre sports analysis, stay for the trenchant political insight!

7:23: I am looking at Stephania Bell, identified as "espn.com injury analyst/licensed physical therapist." Geez, I had to pay for my own massage at the last World Series of Poker, and espn.com has its own licensed physical therapist?

But did you get a happy ending? THE WORLD MUST KNOW!

7:34: Roger Goodell doesn't do the second round, Couch Slouch doesn't do the second round.

"I've already worked one day this week, and I'll be god-damned if I'm going to work two!"

Pats trade two picks in third

The Patriots have quietly (because ESPN seems to be allergic to reporting trade details) picked up two 2010 second-rounders and a 2009 seventh rounder for two third round picks, the Boston Globe is reporting.

Pretty much classic Belichick here: looking toward next year's draft when not enamored of any player currently on the board. Turning two third-rounders into two second-rounders is a hell of a good deal.

Makes it boring as hell to watch if you're a Pats fan, though.

Lions pick TE Pettigrew: Wow, just wow

Everyone knows you start building a franchise at the TE position.

Seriously, this is like back to the Millen days. Note to Detriot front office: you can still pick OTs. It's not frowned on.

I've said earlier how I disagreed with the Stafford pick, but this is downright MC Hammer-early-'90s-level bad decision making.

Eagles pick Maclin

The perenial knock against the Eagles has been the lack of WR talent.

Now, with Jeremy Maclin and Desean Jackson, McNabb has the best talent around him since TO blew everything up. Eagles are obviously contenders for that tough NFC East, but I'm not sure how much this helps them in a defense-and-run-oriented division. 

Tampa Bay picks Josh Freeman

I have mixed feelings on this one.

I think the Bucs were always hamstrung by Jon Gruden's QB ADD. He'd love a guy until he absolutely hated, then benched him.

On the other hand, though, I'm not high on Freeman. I get instantly suspicious when anyone gets referred to as a "project," especially when that player is picked in the first round. Given the economics of the league, you can't afford to have a first-rounder sit for more than one year.

Texans select Brian Cushing

I'll be honest, I only pay attention to USC players if they're quarterbacks or Samoan.

Texans are yet another team that could contend for the playoffs, especially given the Colts' deterioration. They played well enough last year, but were hobbled by an 0-4 start.

P.S. - Now that we've reached the 15th pick, think I'll only comment if something shocks me.

Nawlins picks Jenkins

Damn good pick given how war-crime awful the Saints' pass D has been over the past few years. I've grown tired of the Saints having the most watchable offense, yet perenially missing the playoffs.

Now, all they need is 10 other defensive players. There are 10 rounds left, right?

McDaniels: "Hey, our defense sucks, let's pick a running back."

Yeah, I officially have no idea what the fuck Josh McDaniels is doing in Denver.

I was kinda on his side with the whole Cutler debacle, seeing as Cutler was being so damn whiny about it. The trade was unfortunate, but he was able to extract a king's ransom from the Bears.

But to completely ignore your team's biggest need? WTF?

Also, Washington picks up Brian Orakpo, making their D-line officially scary.

Bills pick Maybin

Dick Jauron being a defensive coach makes this pick almost make sense.

However, they picked up a defensive player while completely ignoring the loss of OT Jason Peters in a tackle-heavy draft, which makes this pick completely nonsensical.

49ers take Crabtree, have no idea how they'll get him the ball

The Niners decide to take the consensus best receiver in the draft. However, they really don't have the personnel to take advantage of him.

Yeah, Singletary has said he likes Hill, but he's also a fan of dropping his pants in the locker room, so how much can we trust his judgement?

Green Bay to select BJ Raji

Many had projected Raji to go to Green Bay, and that's precisely how things played out.

Despite the year sitting out, Raji projected to go highly because he could play nose tackle in the 3-4 defense. A 3-4 defense is made or broken by the nose tackle - I'd point to Vince Wilfork on the Pats.

Jags select Eugene Monroe

Another of the highly-rated offensive tackles goes, this time to Jacksonville.

This was a really good pick for the Jags, who really regressed last year after their playoff appearance in 07, and a big part of that was poor O-line performance. The performance of Fred Taylor and MJD declined substantially, and Garrard sucked after a breakout year.

Bengals select Andre Smith; Raiders pick Heyward-Bey

The Bengals picked "young-minded" (according to Keyshawn, at least) offensive tackle. They also picked his torso, which you may remember from Edvard Munch's The Scream.

This is a need pick, as the Bengals couldn't protect anyone who played QB for them last year.

Raiders also picked Maryland WR Darrius Heyward-Bey, overtaking the top-rated Michael Crabtree. Al Davis loves speed, and so he goes with one of the fastest WRs in the draft. Kiper goes nuts, giving the pick an instant F.

(pic via Deadspin)

Jets trade for Sanchez

They said they were happy with Kellen Clemens, but we all knew they couldn't have been serious.

This is probably the first good Jets pick I can remember, as they clear up the terrible mess left in the wake of Favre's retirement.

Only question is what they gave up to the Browns.

Seahawks select Aaron Curry

Sensible pick. The Seahawks really depend on a strong linebacking corps, and they've lost Julian Peterson.

The combo of Tatupu (who went to my high school. KP represent, yo!) and Curry is interesting. Curry is thought by many to be the most complete player in the draft (or, according to ESPN, "has the least holes." ewwww.).

KC pick Tyson Jackson

The first pick of the Scott Pioli era is Tyson Jackson. Interesting, as people have been heard comparing him to Richard Seymour, a fixture on the Pats' line.

This is a team with a potential to be good. I'm an unabashed Cassel fanboy, LJ is solid at running back and Dwayne Bowe is a good receiver. I'm not sure why they traded Gonzalez, because he would have been great for Cassel's development. Guess, in true Pats fashion, they decided to cut him the season before he starts sucking.

Rams pick OT Jason Smith

Yet another no-surprise pick. Everyone had the Rams looking to replace the departed Orlando Pace.

They were talking about Sanchez for a bit, but this team seems hell-bent on sticking with Bulger.

Goodell @ the podium

About motherfucking time.

Der Kommissioner puts Lions on the clock, walks away, comes back and announces what we've all known for about 15 hours.

Stafford booed heartily. Never change, Jets fans.

Who attends these things?

I always wondered about the people who actually go to the draft in person. What the hell do they do for the 5/6ths of the time when absolutely nothing is happening?

At least we have talking heads and highlight footage on television. When you attend the thing, you're pretty much just waiting to have a name called, and then waiting some more.

Also, there's the fact that fans are personally invested in only about 1/32 of the picks, unless they root for the Redskins, who have already traded away this draft for a some Bazooka Joe gum ("It's gum and a comic! What a value pick!"). Attending the draft has to be the least efficient way of spending your time.

Folks on phones

The draft has to be the only televised event where everyone on the screen is on a cell phone.

I'd like to see a "Douchebags on cell phones" montage at the end of every draft. Hell, we get about 30 minutes of footage from Drew Rosenhaus alone.

Back

Took an hour for lunch, but don't think I missed anything: we're back to the same profile on Oher.

Guess we've moved from Tirico, Carter, Tilfer, Jackson and Jaws to Kiper, Keyshawn, Berman and Young. I don't know if you can call that an upgrade, but at least it means we're closer.

Broncos won't move up?

Numerous stories have claimed the Broncos won't move up to pick Sanchez, but I'm not sure that's what they're saying.

If you look at the McDaniels quote, he's just saying he won't package the team's two first-rounders to move up. He doesn't rule out trading a player and a pick, or using other picks with a first rounder. Given the fact that many teams are looking to get out of the top 10, the price of a high pick might have been lowered. McDaniels' denial is pretty limited, and that's interesting.

However, picking Sanchez isn't the greatest move. The offense was not what held up this team last year, and every high pick you spend on offense is one you can't spend on defense. I believe Kyle Orton (or maybe even Chris Simms) could run an offense with Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royal.

Herm!

Among ESPN's cast of thousands covering the draft is former Chiefs/Jets head coach Herm Edwards.

Unfortunately, he didn't have any "WE CAN BUILD ON THIS" moments, but he did make an excellent "What am I doing with my life?" face after being ribbed over the Chiefs firing.

Awesome Auger commercial just had 900th airing since 11

Billy Mays is trying to sell some gardening tool, but I'm not buying.

Gotta love his phrasing: "The world's most powerful gardening tool you'll ever use."

You know, with most informercials, you could almost say "Yeah, I could use that if it actually worked." I have no idea why you'd buy one of these things, even if it worked as advertised. Is digging a 1-inch deep hole that big of a chore?

ESPN profile on Oher

It's interesting seeing the main characters in Michael Lewis' book "The Blind Side" (definitely a good read, if you can pick it up) on television.

The father of the family that picked him up has more than a passing resemblance to Friday Night Lights' Buddy Garrity, which is, for some reason, hilarious to me.

It's getting to the point, though, where all their profiles seem the same to me: inner city neighborhood w/ depressing music (often in black & white), then a benefactor comes into the picture with a sudden lifting of mood. Saw a piece on Missouri's Jeremy Maclin, and it was essentially the same thing.

"Be true to yourself..."

"...and to thine own self be true."

-Jaws as Polonius in Shakespeare's Hamlet.

Random McConaughey

What the hell? Why is Matthew McConaughey on the draft special? What? Where does that make sense?

I just started bleeding out my ears.

Jackson and Jaws go at it (no, not like that)

Tom Jackson showed some feistiness, debating Ron Jaworski over petulant child and former Bronco Jay Cutler.

Jackson challenges Jaws' definition of "franchise quarterback," noting Cutler had a losing record and highest number of INTs in the red zone last year. Good points, but you have to consider the conflict of interest - Jackson being a former Bronco.

Also, in the last hour, we've seen Mark Sanchez miss an easy layup and an underhanded shot. That's gotta affect his draft stock, right? If you're a 6'3" trained athlete, you should probably make a layup.

Devaney interview

GM of the Rams rocking the Oregon State Beavers shirt.

Typical GM BS (GMBS?) - obviously wouldn't divulge anything. Said they had intended to negotiate with the guy they've "pretty much settled on," but there was a flurry of activity.

Why the hell wouldn't you negotiate with your guy now? Obviously, if someone comes up with an offer you can't refuse, you could go with it, but why not get a deal in place as soon as possible?

The fuck is "arm talent?"

Dilfer (who I actually think is pretty good) said Stafford had "arm talent."

I love draft lingo - "No, I can't say he has a strong arm. That'd sound stupid. I got it - I'll call it 'arm talent.'"

SportsCenter poll

Just asked who the best number-one QB draft choice was.

Vinny Testaverde got 1.7 percent, going up against Aikman, Bradshaw, Elway and Manning.

Apparently, 1.7 percent of SportsCenter viewers are directly related to Vinny T.

Blogging the Draft

So, because I have a healthy sense of masochism, I've decided to do a running log of draft coverage today.

ESPN has decided to start its coverage at 11am, which is especially awesome - hours of talk without any real info to go on. This log will focus mainly on ESPN, as the only way I can get NFL Network is on my cell phone (mother-fuckin' high tech!).

Lions to pick Stafford

Surprising no one, the Detroit Lions have agreed to terms with Georgia QB Matt Stafford (or at least that's what Jay Glazer of Fox Sports is reporting).

I think this is a mistake on the Lions' part and, as such, the past few months have been like watching a car accident in slow motion (actually, you could think of the Lions' past few years like that, but this is the part where the tractor-trailer full of gasoline arrives on the scene). We all knew it was going to happen, but I couldn't help but wince when I heard it.

This team clearly has more holes than can be addressed in one off-season. Their defense was notably lousy, giving up a ridiculous amount of points(32 per game) and yards (404 per game). Now you have a rookie QB (a junior at that) walking into a situation where he's expected to be a savior. How many rookie QBs have directed offenses that have scored more than 32 points per game?

Yes, yes, Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco came in last year and took their teams to the playoffs. What they're overlooking is the fact that their teams had building blocks in place (Baltimore's stout defense, for example). What the hell do the Lions do well? Lose?

At least they're doing the wrong thing the right way. By bringing Stafford into the fold early, they avert any chance of a holdout and give him the most amount of time to acclimate to the pro game.

Because I decided there weren't quite enough sports blogs

Welcome to the Razor's Edge, named after a series of occasional sports columns I wrote for a local paper (before the death of print media). The columns had no rhyme, reason or pattern - they were essentially random acts of sports journalism (if one could even call them that). So, as I am out of a print gig, I decided to try my hand at bloggery.

This will be a blog devoted to football, and pretty much solely to football. I (for some reason) can only be obsessed with one major sport, and football is it.

This site is completely experimental at this point, so if there's anything you want to see (or if you want to contribute), shoot me an email @ midwat@hotmail.com.

Join me tomorrow for my first actual post, in which I attempt to suffer through ESPN's coverage of the NFL draft (pray for me).